Michelle Obama has spoken on her podcast about the criticism she faced for not attending the second inauguration of President Donald Trump in January.
In a conversation with acclaimed actor Taraji P. Henson, the former first lady shared on the April 23 episode of why she when Trump was sworn in for his second term.
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"My decision to skip the inauguration, what people don’t realize, or my decision to make choices at the beginning of this year that suited me were met with such ridicule and criticism," she said. "People couldn’t believe that I was saying no for any other reason, that they had to assume that my marriage was falling apart, you know?"
Obama said her decision was all about making the choice that was right for her, which grew out of a simple practical issue of what to wear to the inauguration.
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"I’m here really trying to own my life and intentionally practice making the choice that was right for me," she said. "And it took everything in my power to not do the thing that was perceived as right, but do the things that was right for me — that was a hard thing for me to do.
"I had to basically trick myself out of it," she continued. "And it started with not having anything to wear. I’m always prepared for any funeral, anything. I walk around with the right dress, I travel with clothes just in case something pops off. So I was like, if I’m not going to do this thing, I got to tell my team. I don’t even want to have a dress ready, right? Because it’s so easy to just say, 'Let me do the right thing.'"
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Obama, 61, had involving her husband that she said grew out of her not attending Trump's inauguration. She spoke on the April 9 episode of the “ about how simply making choices for herself in her post-White House life led to whispers of her marriage crumbling.
"That’s the thing that we as women, I think we struggle with disappointing people," she told Bush. "So much so that this year people were — they couldn’t even fathom that I was making a choice for myself that they had to assume that my husband and I are divorcing.”
Obama spoke further on her podcast with her brother about how she's trying to teach her daughters, , to learn how to say no and not be exhausted by trying to please everyone.
"I want them to start practicing now the art of saying no, because I see it in them — pleasing, excelling, not wanting to take anything for granted, always showing gratitude," Obama said. "Feeling like they’re enough right now. It’s a practice. It’s a muscle that you have to build. Because if you don’t constantly build it, you don’t develop it."
"I am just now starting to build it," she continued. "I want my girls to start practicing different strategies for saying no. Because if I’m showing up at this stage in my life, and they are seeing me still wonder whether I deserve to say no, what does that teach them if after all that I’ve done in this world, if I am still showing them that I have to show people that I love my country, that I’m doing the right thing, that I am always setting, going high all the time."
Henson, 54, has dealt with similar issues with her Hollywood career.
"I tell you this, 'no' is my favorite word," Henson said. "And I found out how powerful no is, especially in this town. This is the town of yes. Yes men, 'yes I’ll do it, yes whatever you need, just make me a star.'
"'No' is so powerful because that is you taking up for yourself," she continued. "'No, I don’t feel like coming to dinner. No, I don’t want to do that role. That doesn’t serve a purpose for me. I know the check is great.' Maybe that’s someone else’s blessing. And the relief that I get from saying no, because I know I’m protecting my peace. I know I’m doing a good thing because for a while I was the yes girl, the people-pleaser. And I just couldn’t do it anymore because it wasn’t servicing me, and I wasn’t feeling fulfilled."
The former first lady also opened up about how her approach to life has changed now that she and her husband are empty nesters, and how their schedule has much more flexibility.
"I’m at this stage in life where I have to define my life on my terms for the first time," she said. "So what are those terms? And going to therapy, just to work all that out, like, what happened that eight years that we were in the White House? What did that do to me internally? My soul.
"We made it through. We got out alive," she continued. "I hope we made the country proud. My girls, thank God, are whole. But what happened to me? And going through therapy is getting me to look at the fact that maybe finally I’m good enough."
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