How to stop your boss from commenting on your personal life, says career expert

Being on good terms with your boss can be great. You want your working relationship to be as smooth and helpful to your success on the team as possible. You might even want to share some details about your personal life.

But in the gray area between sharing some parts of your life outside of work and keeping it professional, your boss might accidentally cross the line. They might make an inappropriate comment about your dating life, for example, that could make you uncomfortable.

"It happens more often than we think," says Vicki Salemi, career expert at , especially in the context of casual conversations, like talking about weekend plans or what you're doing after work. Whether you've given your boss a signal that makes them think these are OK or they simply feel comfortable weighing in, these comments happen, she says.

But if you'd prefer to avoid them, there are delicate ways to say so. Here's how to let your boss know you're not interested in their thoughts on your love life.

Say, 'I do keep my personal life separate from business'

It's critical to " with your boss," says Salemi. That will help draw the line between what you're comfortable talking about and what you're not. But put it delicately, says , chief career advisor at Resume Builder.

"You don't want them to get offended," she says.

You can proactively set these boundaries by saying something like, "just so you know, my dating life is off limits" says Salemi. "I have a personal policy about not talking about it at work. It's a closed book." That way you're preempting any possible discomfort if they bring it up.

In an instance in which they do comment on your dating life, say something like, "thank you so much for caring about my personal life, but I'm really doing okay," says Haller. "And I do keep my personal life separate from business."

It's best to bring this up when it happens in the moment, whether in person or virtually, but if you're in a group setting when it happens or you're taken aback and don't know what to say immediately, you can also approach them afterwards. Remind them of the incident and say the same thing.

"You definitely shouldn't just let it go because then that's giving your boss permission to continue to bring" these things up, says Salemi.

If it continues, 'we're talking about harassment'

It's possible your boss's intentions are innocent in making these comments. "I think some people may just think that a good manager cares about you holistically," says Haller. But if it makes you uncomfortable, it's worth saying something.

If your boss comments on your love life again, you can set up a one-on-one to stress to them, again, that you like to keep your personal life separate from work. You can even say, "our conversations about what I do outside of work are beginning to make me feel a little uncomfortable," says Haller.

If it keeps happening after you've set boundaries and expressed your discomfort, "now we're talking about harassment," says Haller. Start keeping a written record of the comments they're making and your responses and conversations with them. And consider escalating by going to another manager or HR.

"That's your last resort," says Haller.

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