We've all been there: A coworker, a relative or even a stranger at the coffee shop comes out of left field with a remark that's cutting, condescending and .

Your first instinct might be to fire back with a snarky comment. And sure, delivering a withering comeback would feel satisfying in the moment, but in most situations — especially professional ones — that's not the move. Ideally, you want to be known as someone who holds their ground with .

To shut down rude behavior instantly, try a simple yet powerful five-word response: "Do you really mean that?"

Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn't matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful.

It gives them a chance to reflect on their words

When you ask someone if they really meant what they just said, you're doing two things at once.

First, you're giving them a chance to reconsider. Most rude remarks aren't calculated — they're tossed off without forethought. By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you're holding up a mirror. Often, that's all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense.

Second, you shift the power dynamic. You're not on your heels anymore — you're in control. And instead of lashing out or escalating, you're putting the responsibility back where it belongs: with the person who made the rude comment.

Imagine these scenarios

At work, rudeness can take many forms:

• "You look tired." (Translation: "You look bad.")
• "That's not my problem." (Translation: "I don't care.")
• "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" (Translation: "I'm outright undermining you.")

Outside the office, rude comments tend to be even more personal:

• "You should smile more." (Translation: "You're so depressing.")
• "You're still single?" (Translation: "Wow, something must be wrong with you.")
• "I liked your hair better before." (Translation: "This new style doesn't look good on you.")

In each case, asking the speaker to reflect on the meaning of their words will likely make them soften, correct themselves, or at least get the message: You're not a pushover. You noticed their aggressive behavior and served them notice.

The goal isn't to embarrass or dominate the other person. You want to hold the line with dignity. When it works, it opens the door for a reset. A backpedal. Even, occasionally, an apology.

Not every rude moment needs a response

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let it roll off your back. People are unpredictable, distracted, under pressure. A weird comment doesn't always mean they don't respect you.

But if you do feel the need to respond, and you want to keep things calm but clear, this five-word phrase can be your new go-to. The best thing about it? Instead of sulking or re-categorizing someone as an enemy, you preserve the relationship.

 is a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of He has contributed to The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, This American Life, and many others. Visit his website .

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