I study happiness for a living—my 4 best parenting lessons for raising happy, successful kids

I've always looked forward to . I embrace it as a useful reminder to pause in the tumult of everyday life, to reflect lovingly and thankfully about my mother — and the mother figures in my life — and to tell them how important they are to me.

I'm fortunate enough to be both a mother and a daughter. In the past year, however, my relationships with my two daughters have changed. Now they're both out of the house, and I've entered what many people call the "empty-nest stage."

But I've decided to rename this transition as the "open-door stage." An empty nest suggests abandonment and loss; an open door suggests new possibilities and the freedom to come and go — for my daughters, and also for my husband and me.

As we entered this family open-door phase, I wanted to impart some of the tried-and-true lessons that time and experience had taught me — usually the hard way.

1. You don't have to cheer your kids up every single time.

It took me a while, but over time I eventually realized how useless it was to tell my daughters, "Look on the bright side!" "It's not so bad!" "You're not afraid of clowns!" I was trying to cheer them up, but they didn't feel better — they felt worse.

Instead, they were comforted when I said things like, "It sounds like you got really rattled during the exam," "That comment really hurt your feelings," or "It's hard to memorize the multiplication tables."

After a while, I figured it out: We make people happier by acknowledging that they're not feeling happy.

2. Show your love through acceptance.

One parenting conundrum puzzled me for a long time. I love my daughters with all my heart, I don't want them to change a bit — so why was I constantly pushing and prodding them to improve?

Finally, I understood: Love is unconditional, and love is demanding. Love accepts you just as you are, and love expects the best from you.

3. When you are kind to yourself, you become a better parent.

One frustrating aspect of happiness is that we can't make people change. As a parent, however, I discovered that when I changed myself — when I got more sleep so I was less irritable, when I gave myself more time so I wasn't rushing around, when I kept my sense of humor — my daughters became calmer and more cheerful.

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I was changing myself, and my daughters responded, and it became clear: We can't make people change. But when we change, our relationships change — and so others may also change.

4. Cherish every second! In the blink of an eye, your kid will become an adult.

I learned one of my most important parenting lessons of all a few years ago, when my daughters were very young.

I remember struggling to articulate a strange paradox that I kept experiencing as a parent: One busy Saturday or a difficult week would stretch out endlessly, but second grade would pass in a flash.

I would lie in bed in the morning, overwhelmed by everything that had to happen before I got back into bed for the night — but Labor Day would come, then almost immediately it was Thanksgiving, then Fourth of July, then Labor Day again.

After many attempts, I managed to put into words how we, as parents, exist in two timelines: The days are long, but the years are short.

What life lessons will you share with your kids?

These are the lessons that have meant the most to me, as a parent.

Using Mother's Day as a catalyst for reflection has given me a fresh perspective on the "" that I've learned from being a parent. I'm glad I found this new way to observe this annual holiday.

It's helpful to have this precise reminder to reflect. After all, what can be done at any time is often done at no time.

 is one of today's most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She's the author of many books, including the bestseller "." Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than 30 languages. She hosts the award-winning podcast , where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Her new book, "," is out now.

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